The Schiensh of Bond: Live and Let Die

So Connery is no more. BlogalongaBond lurches forward to the Roger Moore era with Live and Let Die

I thought I’d never seen a Roger Mole Moore Bond film before, but I was reminded that I had previously seen a special screening of The Spy Who Loved Me introduced by Richard “Jaws” Kiel. I have totally erased this from my memory. I have discovered a heretofore unknown skill; the ability to remove a Roger Mole Moore film from my mind. It’s going to be a long 7 months ’til we get to Dalton…

First off, there’s the MI6 officer who dies when his earpiece is swapped, someone who dies from a plastic snake bite and Roger Mole Moore is given a magnetic watch that can deflect bullets and can be used as a rotatey saw thing… What else happens? Mole Bond has a bug detector- it’s no use! I have no idea what’s going on! My attention is being moley wholly absorbed by this monstrosity:

Let’s take a look at that mole in detail:

On his FACE!

Moley Moley Moley

What causes such a vile abomination? Well, perhaps it is time that I discuss the science of moles.

Moles – most of us have them. Medically, they are called melanocytic naevi. They contain groups of melanocytes. Melanocytes are the skin cells that contain the dark pigment, melanin. They can be raised, flat, small, large, round, with a smooth or rough edge, and may have hair growing out of them. Some moles appear shortly after birth, but most of them will appear sometime during the first 30 years of life. Curiously, moles start to disappear later in life.

This is a picture through a mole as seen with a microscope

In the top picture, the clusters of brown cells indicated by the arrowheads are melanocytes. From Kittler et al 2000, Archives of Dermatology. The diagram underneath shows the layers of the skin. Normally, moles result from the presence of groups of melanocytes in the skin – the epidermis (top layer) or the dermis (lower layer) or both. Freckles, on the other hand, are just patches of skin where there is more melanin, whereas moles are clusters of melanocyte cells. There’s some nice info here. Your moleage is genetic, and is dependent on how many moles your parents have.

Moles and Cancer

Malignant melanoma (the cancer of moles) is the 6th most common cancer diagnosed in the UK. Although it’s not the most common form of skin cancer, it is the most deadly. Of the approximately 2500 people who died of skin cancer in 2008, around 2000 died of skin cancer. Stats from Cancer Research UK.

During melanoma, changes in the DNA of melanocytes in the skin (which can be caused by UV rays from sunlight), cause them to multiply in an uncontrolled manner. The growing population of melanocytes spread, causing  damage to surrounding tissue. If the  spreading mass of cells reach a blood vessel or a lymph node, the cancer can spread. If spotted early, treatment by removing the dubious mole will prevent spread of the melanoma. Skin that is sensitive to sunburn is more susceptible to skin cancer. Pale and pasties, as well as redheads are therefore at a higher risk. And if you have more than 50 moles, there is a greater chance that you may have a mole that is more likely to become cancerous.  However, many melanomas do not develop from existing moles.

Roger Moore had better be putting sunblock on that thing.

My arm (OK, I’m worried now).

Magical Moles

I stumbled across a website on “moleosophy” – the shape, size, colour and location of one’s moles can allegedly be used to tell a person’s future and identify personality characteristics – which is about as believable as being killed by a plastic snake bite, Solitaire having magical fortunetelling powers and voodoo. It’s all bollocks.

Moles and Longevity

It’s not all bad news though, I stumbled across a couple of press releases for a paper declaring that people with more moles may live longer. Intrigued by my potential immortality (seriously, I have a lot of moles) I dug a little deeper. Anyone can access freely access the paper here. Telomeres are the ends of chromosomes that protect them from damage during ageing. The telomeres shorten with age and are thought by some scientists to perhaps cause the physical signs of ageing. But it would seem that women with more moles have longer telomeres. Which is rather interesting. Moleyness, however will do nothing for your longevity if you get fed to sharks via an unnecessarily slow dipping mechanism.

Assuming Roger Moore avoids skin cancer and sharks, he will return in The Man With The Golden Gun, where we will continue to discuss why he is rubbish.